Do you ever have those days where you wake up and feel totally alone? Or just want to get one really good tight hug, especially from someone bigger than you so you can feel completely comforted?
I have these days often. On the days my brain has to work more than normal, such as having to do difficult paperwork, or a day when all four of my kiddos just aren't feelin it and wanna see how far they can push their siblings. The days like this are awful for me, its almost like I revert back into a childlike mindset where I'm still learning how to process everything. I can't think straight. Every little sound is like an explosion in my head. It's only then, that I feel like hope is lost. Like I'm never going to get better and I question how I'm going to be able to live the rest of my life.
Usually at this time is when your partner would be able to hug you and tell you everything will be ok and you're doing great. But what happens when you have a partner that isn't supportive in the best way for you to receive that support, or you don't have a significant other at all. Maybe your situation is like mine, and you are married but are in different states taking care of different things? When my husband left, the thought of wanting to hug him was not the biggest concern for me. I was worried, but I told myself I had too much to think about and take care of. So missing him should definitely not be the main thing to focus on. I see now though that it wasn't about how much I was going to miss him. It was about the fear I had of not having support in the way he gave me. The fear of failing. Of not being strong enough for myself or for my kids. I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to accomplish what I was suppose to accomplish while staying behind. I thought that with my husband leaving, my most consistent support system was leaving too, and that opened up a world of doubts.
After he left, I realized what support system I truly do have. From the big things like needing to call my dad just to hear him say he is proud of me (which I can always count on) and for him to remind me of the things I have made it through. To the things that may seem small to others but are huge for me, such as my brother and sister-in-law helping when I spill something and cant get down enough to clean it up. It's not always easy asking for help, but sometimes you have to. I am 30 years old and still need to hear my dad tell me he's proud. I'm a mother of four and have been cleaning up their messes for 12 years, but now I cant do it the way I was once able to. And having people to help me through it all has been such a life changer.
It breaks my heart to know that not everyone has the support system they should, knowing those people have to face life alone. One thing I hope you all get from this website is the comfort in knowing you are not alone. Am I always on top of my messages and the activity that is happening within the website? Man I wish lol but I do what I can with any free moment I have. I would love to be that person to tell you they are proud of you for that decision you made. Or proud of you for even getting up that morning when every part of you just wanted to stay in bed for the day. Hopefully, this community will be big enough one day for everyone to be able to have that support system. It could be to hang out and have coffee together, or a text from a long distance friend saying "You're doing great, keep up the good work."
Life is hard. Dealing with your own thoughts is hard. And doing it alone is even harder. So whether you've already heard it today, whether you need to hear it or not. I'm proud of you. You're doing great. And you can handle anything that comes your way. Think about the things you've been through in life and the things you've overcome. And if you're finding yourself dealing with the hardest situation you've had to deal with, think about how good its going to feel in the future when you look back and can say, "I made it through this and I'm proud of myself."
You got this.